|I will not be broken, though I am the one that bleeds
||[Oct. 17th, 2009|02:18 pm]
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
I haven't had this feeling in so long, I had almost forgotten what it feels like to have your heart shattered.
I had this boyfriend. Someone who I thought completed me. Someone who I thought I had such a deep connection with. I dated this man for 4 years.
It started as a young high school romance, but persevered through so much more.
This boy turned into a man and joined the military. I stood by his side and supported him. Even when he went over seas. Even when he lived so far from me, that we only saw each other maybe once a month, twice if we were lucky. For 2 years I was happy like this. I was fine, I had my love I didn't need anything more. I apparently took it for granted.
This military man has a career, and wants a partner that has one too. This man who I poured unconditional amounts of love, support, understanding, and commitment into has after 4 years dropped me. Dropped me because I have an unorthodox hair style. Dropped me because I'm apparently not on the same plane as him. Dropped me because I don't have a career.
I'm shocked. Dead shocked. Heart on the floor and stomped on. I feel stupid and naive. How could I not have seen this coming? How could I have missed that he was this superficial?
I've never felt more rejected in my life. Completely and utterly rejected.
Here I am at ground zero. Hi, it's me, on the floor. Picking up these shattered pieces.
There's no coming back. I don't deserve to be looked down on to that extent. I am who I am, and that isn't going to change. I apologize to myself for not finding a partner to fully except it, as I have excepted them.
When will my time come? What am I going to do from now on?
I have a lot that I need to think about.
I am strong. I will get through this. This heart will mend itself.